Loneliness in the UK and in Nigeria: A general comparison


Many people wont admit that they are lonely. In the UK, many singletons return to their cold rooms, bedsits and homes having no one to talk to or share the niceties of their day. Immigrants or those without a social community suffer more from loneliness. 

Lets face it, there are times when loneliness creeps in when you are in a crowd, in a marriage, in a situation you find hard to talk about……. In many cases, people have their radio, computers and television sets to keep them company. 

Loneliness is an issue. I think dealing with long term loneliness starts with admitting that you are lonely. For some, loneliness is short term, for others, its become a life style. We tend to mind our business in the West dont we? We ignore our neighbors, we look away when a greeting from us could make a difference..  sounds familiar? We have mastered the art of coldness perpetuating the vicious cycle that breeds loneliness.

I am no stranger to loneliness. I have written this as a veteran, but I am no expert.  Have you ever been lonely? Imagine you are housebound and elderly, would your cynicism change to those who are lonely? Just wondering…

Have a read.





Loneliness is an emotional state that may affect one’s mental health if left unchecked. Loneliness, needs no definition.  It is the sadness that comes with having no friends or company. It can also be described as unfriendliness and isolation. Loneliness and isolation are twin modern day evils that affects the best of us in the post modern world we live in. The Tory Minister Jeremy Hunt recently wondered why the English would not learn from their Asian counterparts in their treatment of their elderly parents. A lesson perhaps too late to learn for the Brits, who perhaps have,  advanced social systems which make it convenient for them to put their elderly parents in nursing homes or hospices. This is not wrong, it is only a different model.

The Asians have closer family networks and are bound together by religion and culture. They won’t  readily send their elderly parents to a care home. This is a general assertion and a difference between how different cultures look after their elderly.


Some people do become carers of  their elderly parents but they are often forgotten by the government who pays them a pittance  for their labor.
Loneliness can afflict anybody, anywhere and at any time. People can experience loneliness  for different reasons. Marriage is not an antidote to loneliness by the way. Many people are married or in relationships and yet they still feel lonely and isolated. Loneliness is not peculiar to any one region or culture either. Everybody at some point in their lives would experience what it means to be lonely. More so in Nigeria where is no such thing as organised elderly care. There are no known national charities, hospices, care homes as well who look after  the terminally ill, elderly and other vulnerable groups. So loneliness must be stylishly entrenched in Nig
eria. Perhaps, no one has noticed it yet. But loneliness lurks in every community.
In UK, the statistics is  that one in ten will experience loneliness  at some point in their lives. This loneliness plagues the youths too.

Many singletons experience loneliness acutely. More so, after the breakup of a long term relationship. The smart ones, engage in extracurricular activities after work or indulge in online dating websites. But, at the end of the day, they would return to a cold, empty house and a cold bed. For some in this demographic, television and internet become their best friends and in many cases, their only links to the outside world. In Nigeria, the elderly have their transistor radio (powered by batteries) to keep them company.

According to the BBC website, there were 7.1 million single person households in England and Wales in 2011. According to the Office for National Statistics,  that’s up from 6.5 million  over the previous decade, although the proportion of all homes housing for just one person remained at 30%. EU figures suggest that, in the UK as a whole, 13% of the population lives alone. Denmark has the highest proportion of single-dwellers, at 24%. In Germany, Finland and Sweden, that number is just below 20%.
The figures suggest that in southern Europe people are less inclined to live alone. In Greece, Spain, Portugal, Bulgaria and Romania, that amounts to fewer than 10% of people, with Malta having the lowest rate at about 7%.
In Nigeria, many people in their fifties or sixties find that their mansions are too big for them to inhabit as their children no longer live at home. More often than not, it is the widows and widowers who experience loneliness  most. For the some pensioners, house helps become a part of their family and the only support system they have in their later years.  Loosing financial support which comes from marriage, many widows are left forgotten by the inlaws. As money is the national language in Nigeria, these are subsequently forgotten people in the wider community.  

Why are some people lonely? Here are some reasons: bereavement,  a relationship break up,  single parents  who find it hard to maintain a social life, retirement,  old age people find it hard to go out alone, they might have moved to a new area without family, friends or community networks, they may belong to a minority ethnic group and they may live in an area with people from a different background, they may feel excluded because they have mobility problems or a lack of money. The reasons are not exhaustive. In Nigeria, that may include the sudden loss of life and property from the Boko Haram crises, chronic homelessness, long term unemployment, hunger  and disease.
We must distinguish loneliness from being alone. Some people actually enjoy being alone. They enjoy coming home to a cold, empty home, they enjoy taking themselves out for pub dinner, they enjoy drinking or smoking alone. An extreme form of selfishness, these people enjoy the pleasure of their own company and generally find other people a nuisance. 

Loneliness is weird because you can still be in a crowd and still be lonely. Loneliness is not the same as being alone.
The BBC recently commissioned a poll as part of Faith in  The World Week. The poll showed that almost half of all adults in England say they experience feelings of loneliness. The survey showed  that 48% of adults feel varying degrees of loneliness. It also showed that people who practise a religion feel lonelier than those who do not. London is said to be the loneliest place in England with a figure of 52% compared to 45% in the South West of England. According to the poll, 18 to 24 year olds experience it just as much as those who are in their 60s and older. If you are in your 30s, 40s or 50s, you are less likely to be lonely, probably because you have got a houseful of children or teenagers and are busy working. One in five people say they are more lonely now than they were in ten years. People who live alone suffer from loneliness more frequently than people who share their homes with others. The highest number of people who live alone are those aged 65 and above.
Nigerians probably deal with loneliness by going to  their churches,  mosques and their faith groups.  This is probably why our churches  thrive as people look to the church for the support they need. Yet
, our society traditionally forgets the typically loners. The widows  and widowers, the elderly, children with learning disabilities, visual and auditory impaired people and so on.   In the United Kingdom, loneliness is targeted by charities such as Help the Aged. This charity, like others, encourages members of the public to devote some of their time to nursing a friendship with someone in their later years.  Such a friendship in Nigeria might seem rather peculiar for security reasons.  

To deal with loneliness in Nigeria, we must start by researching how serious it is as a problem. Seriously? But when we consider corruption, unemployment, lack of affordable healthcare, good roads, epileptic electricity and the many other problems which beset us, loneliness becomes too trivial to merit any attention.

Notwithstanding, faith groups can  play an important role in mobilizing funds into assisting indigent widows and the housebound elderly. If local governments are still existing and relevant, they have a role to play here too. Above all, children of elderly parents in villages across the country must remember that it is their duty to look after their own parents. This, they must do robustly.  For singles who are lonely, the word on the street is, the time will pass if you are actively busy doing something for the common good.
Tundun Adeyemo

Advertisements

More on Harvesters!!!!!


May was the fourth adult today. She is Greg and Anna’s daughter. She emailed this to me and I am posting it here with her permission. She has written on behalf of her dad who wanted to treat his wife on the occasion of their 29th wedding anniversary.






This is to make a complaint about the door lady who was there between 1-2 on the 27th of Oct 2013 at the White hart harvesters. 

My family, myself and two of our guests waited from 1-2, the door lady sat her friends first who were also five adults like us, i believe. I know they were her friends because she greeted them as if she knew them, very fondly, calling them ‘trouble’ as in a pet name.

There was no customer service on her part: not once in the whole hour while we waited did she come and apologise for having to keep us for so long, it was as if we could go if we wanted to. Not once did she give us an update as to the situation regarding tables. We were totally ignored the whole hour. Yet about seven names that came after us were crossed out from the list and seated before us, how hard is it to seat four adults and two kids. She said she sat them ALL first because they were fewer than us, but this is totally untrue as there were groups of five and we were essentially four adults, one eight yr old and one 3yr old, I mean how hard can it be to seat 4 adults, one child and one  baby?! It felt as though because we were six, hence ‘a lot of us’ according to her, we were not valued. When is it ever fair to seat five people who came after you…and they didn’t have a booking either.

We have been to harvesters twice before and have never been treated with such disregard. Which is why we decided we’ll come out today and celebrate our 29th wedding anniversary at the Harvesters. But we are so unhappy with the way we’ve been treated today that we do not think we’ll ever return again or recommend anyone to go to Harvesters. 

We have never had such horrible treatment from your door people before and always think about harvesters so fondly. So we believe this lady must be spoken to as we believe she didn’t really like us and so just kept us waiting so that when we got tired we would get up and go which we had to do anyway since we got embarrassed from waiting forever and hungry, our kids were also getting really hungry, yet people without kids who came in after us were given tables and fed as though we didn’t matter. 

I don’t think the head of harvesters would have been happy with the door lady’s behaviour had/she seen it or heard of it, i believe he/she would have said that every customer mattered not only if they were your friends or if they were the right number. We ended up going to Mcdonalds round the corner from harvesters to eat. 

So we’re wondering if Harvesters or rather that lady is trying to tell us that there is a right and wrong amount of customers and that we being only four adults and two kids are a bad number for harvesters that we have to be treated so badly? Or was she just racist?! Because she was able to sit her friends in less than ten minutes who were about five of them  and who came in after us with no problem. 

Is she telling us that it is incredibly difficult to sit 4 adults and 2 little kids that she had to sit every single person who came after us (all groups of people just like us), because we saw her list and we also sat by the door where we could see everyone coming in so we know for a fact that they were all groups just like us. We therefore have every reason to believe she just didn’t like us and so decided to punish us even though all we wanted to do was celebrate our wedding anniversary at Harvesters. We have never been so humiliated and embarrassed.

There was no customer service whatsoever and we are deeply hurt that several people whom we came in before were made to sit before us when tables could easily have been moved around to accommodate us very easily, because we could also see that a lot of people were leaving so there was a good flow of people so that we could have been seated so easily. 

Whatever it is that happened today, we sincerely believe that the door lady was greatly unfair to us today and are very unhappy about it.

May

Harvesters Hocliffe and the 1 hour scandal

An impromptu invitation to celebrate Greg and Anna’s 29th wedding invitation took us all to the Harvesters in Hockliffe.
Even though we were told the wait would be an hour, we noticed every body else was given about 30 min to 40 min waiting time. 
Waiting an hour is no big deal when you are with friends who have become family, the problem was that about 8 families were sat before us. We were four adults and two kids. Why?
At no time did the lady in charge of hospitality acknowledged that we were waiting or why others were
sat before us. Hocliffe is a middle class area. I am sure this restaurant is well frequented by black people. If it is not  racism, then there questions to be answered about seating of customers.
We did ask her politely about the situation twice. Calling me ‘sweetheart’ she reiterated the hour was not up yet.
So when a table was finally nearly ready,
In disgust and frustration we left. Note the word nearly ready.
Would you have stayed? The kids were hungry… The adults were angry.  
Have you ever experienced treatment like this ? Am I wrong / right to make
A fuss? Let me know. This is not racism, it is simply poor customer service or isn’t it?
Anyways, we ended up at Macdonalds. Anna and Greg were not too pleased though. HPpy 29th Wedding Anniversary guys. When I grow up, I want to be just like you 🙂
Let me know what you think. Have a good evening.
Tundun 

The God who speaks

I was at my local church today… Really nice to be back after several weeks. I had been supporting a close family who have opened a church in my area.

I have close links with several Christian denominations, but I like to describe myself as Baptist. 
 I enjoyed the sermon, the singing and everything in between. One phrase stood out though , the God who speaks. 

I remember years ago when I didn’t think God could ever speak to me. I was going through a rough patch at the time. Through time, his Word,  he spoke. He is a God that speaks through our questions, doubts, fears and circumstances.
But, does God really speak? Has he ever spoken to you? Or through you? If he has, how did you know it was God? Leave your comments on the page below.
As always, to a good afternoon!
Every Blessing 
Tundun

Prayers? What's the point?

I work at this beautiful school where every morning, we start with a prayer. The prayers have a feel good factor to them and they leave me feeling special. I find those prayers a perfect way to start my morning, I am up this morning researching prayers.Do you pray? What are your favorite prayers? Should praying make you feel good?

Here is one:

 I will be busy
O Lord,
you know how busy I must be this day.
If I forget you,
do not forget me.
(Sir Jacob Astley, before the Battle of Edgehill, 1642)

And another one:

The Grail Prayer
Lord Jesus,
I give you my hands to do your work.
I give you my feet to go your way.
I give you my eyes to see as you do.
I give you my tongue to speak your words.
I give you my mind that you may think in me.
I give you my spirit that you may pray in me.
Above all,
I give you my heart that you may love in me
your Father and all mankind.
I give you my whole self that you may grow in me,
so that it is you, Lord Jesus
who live and work and pray in me.

This prayer, we prayed in primary school.

Sarum Prayer

God be in my head
and in my understanding.
God be in my eyes
and in my looking.
God be in my mouth
and in my speaking.
God be in my heart
and in my thinking.
God be at my end
and at my departing. (Sarum Book of Hours, 1514)

More prayers at http://www.prayingeachday.org/100Prayers.pdf.

Have a good morning!

Every Blessing
Tundun

Of Humanism and Christianity: the conflict

I wrote this essay a couple of weeks ago. Just publishing it here. Have a read.

                           xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Religion and politics are divisive topics best argued  intelligently after some intellectual  consideration. Usually, this is not the case. Many arguments in this realm are provoked by egotistic tendencies and a religiosity bias rather than a quest for the truth. Whatever that means. Debate is good when both sides are well researched, respectful and brave enough to stick to their talking points without fear of vituperation which can be distracting. 

The author anchored a debate recently between the Christian and Humanists side on a rather problematic topic ‘Is there still a place for religion/faith/God in our society today?’.Monotheists would not have a problem with the question as their understanding of religion may well be largely prescriptive and in many cases, their answers are in line with doctrinal and ancient texts. It seems though that the observance of monotheistic religiosity forbids the thorough examination of other  faiths or philosophies. 

The main criticism monotheists face when discussing such a topic (or indeed others on issues of faith) is that they unilaterally adopt a fundamentalist view which curtails in depth analytically conversation.  Monotheists from the Judaism, Christianity and Islam are guilty generally sometimes of  arrogantly denouncing views dis-similar to theirs  and often threatening that the final destination of any who opposes their dogma is hell fire in the after world. But, of what use is the fear of hell when you have absolutely no belief in heaven, hell, angels, demons, or in any supernatural entity. If you are an humanist or atheist, the Christian mythology beliefs are just what they are. Myths.   But then, are the sacred texts just myths or fables?

The humanists in the UK like to think that they are on the verge of secularizing the country. Perhaps they are.   The 2011 census for England and Wales, lends some credence to their assertion. 59.3% of the usual resident population (33.2 million people) are identified as Christians. Muslims make up the second largest religious group with 4.8% of the population or 2.7 million people. A quarter of the population or 14.1 million people reported that they had no religion.  The British Humanists Association  puts the data in perspective by claiming that ‘the results of the 2011 Census in England and Wales show an increase in the percentage of non-religious from 15% in 2001 to 25% in 2011. This represents a 67% proportional increase in the number of non religious people. At the same time, the ‘Christian’ box has declined  from 72% to 59%. The Humanists argue that in actual fact that many people tick ‘Christianity’ even though they are not because they have no other way of describing their religious affiliations.

It would seem that the Humanists in the UK use every opportunity to ‘bash’ the Christians. Christians in the Uk have become a minority in rights and other parlance. The humanists contend that politics is too intertwined with faith (Christianity) and that the society is better without fundamentally the overreaching tendencies of Christian faith. They speak out rather too eloquently than the Christians in the assertion of their views. In this light, humanists have been described by clerics as aggressive secularists or secular totalitarianisms. They are quite passionate in pointing out that we all would do well in a godless society. But would we?

Like the Nigerian Humanists Movement which was founded in 1996, their British counterparts have several campaigns. Some of the issues are discrimination in faith schools, equal marriage, pseudo science, Bishops in the House of Lords, Animal Welfare amongst others.  In Nigeria, the humanist movement will struggle or is struggling because Nigerians tend to be people of faith. The atheist and humanists tend to stand out. The Nigerian humanist movement is occupied by fighting the influx of pentecostalism and witch craft. This is according to their website which was updated last in 2010.

But, we must continue to examine the question to see if there is any need for God/faith in 2013. In the UK, with the  legality of same sex marriage,  4G mobile, hybrid cars, the general absence in society of absolute right, one is wont to think that post modernism has won. Humans have reached a stage beyond God.  God is in the minority. The goodness in man has prevailed.  This is one point of view. Tragically, there has never been a time as now when the United Kingdom needs God more. God and not religion for there are evils and diseases in the society which only an acknowledgement of God can fix. For example, the explosion of the internet has revealed a new kind of perverseness in man: pedophilia.  Man’s tendencies to choose evil will continue to serve as a testament that without God man has failed.

Man will continue to thirst and search to fill the emptiness and void within with something. Anything. In this country, the options are many: alcohol, sex, drugs, greed, pornography, etc.  To Christians, this is a testament that the Holy Spirit of God is still searching hearts to convict and restore. To humanists, this void is a confirmation that there is nothing more but self. The void is the assertion that you are a humanist.

Does God exist? It is rather presumptuous to consider this question in Nigeria. You would have to either be a rebel or an intellectual to rise about the shennigans and entrapments of the common religion that pervades our socio-polity.  God seems more plausible in Nigeria. For example, it is easy to believe in God for protection when you have been robbed in daylight once or twice or you know someone who has been robbed. In the UK, even though robbery does happen, it is not the daily reality of most and unlike parts of Nigeria, you dont live in fear of armed robbers, road accidents and untimely death from medical mishaps.  Generally, the uncertainty  of life in Nigeria makes it conceivable to believe God for everything. In the West, particularly, the UK, life has certainty. But, is there a need for God?

Finally, Humanism as an approach to life based on reason and our common humanity, recognizing that moral values are properly founded on human nature and experience alone seems insufficient to handle the complexes of life.  When life over whelms, to what or whom must man turn? For man to thrive, he needs to surrender to the power of a God far beyond his mortal understanding. The bottom line is that the Christians and the humanists will never agree. The debate is futile. It has learnt credence though to the fact that man does need God. Sometimes. No! All the time.

Tundun Adeyemo

When the Music Plays on

Just last night, I was engaged in a futile argument with a friend who can not stand Cher and her music. But I love her latest song ‘ I hope you find it’,  hence this write up. Hope you like article and you disagree with me.
                             xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Cher (67), an international superstar whose music spans over five decades needs no introduction.  The pop star who shows no sign of settling down into what could be her later years was on X factor this Saturday singing ‘I hope you find it’ to a  standing ovation. In  August, she had released her latest single ‘Woman’s World’.
A strong advocate of female empowerment, that song is again another testament that genius never dies. This was her first release after a twelve year hiatus. 

Cher could have easily passed for someone in her late 20’s as she stood singing her heart out in a sexy black  lace  knee length dress.

There are many international super stars in her league, Dolly Parton is  one of them.  At 67, Dolly Parton is best described indefatigable. In England, we have Sir Thomas John Woodward OBE(Tom Jones), Sir Paul McCartney, Cliff Richards, Rod Stewart, Diana Ross  are other examples.   These super stars tell the world that they still ‘have it’  and they are not about to let ‘it’ go as they ease into their later years.
Cher’s launch brings a question, maybe even two, to mind.

Honestly, how many of their fans are going to look that good in their 70s? A wider question is  why do the greatest never die? A quick answer to these questions is that with money, you can buy the best anti-ageing treatment the world has to offer. At that level, you are performing at your best. Most creatives get better any way with age anyways. One wonders if the Nigerian public are onto that yet?  Who knows  how many of our Nollywood stars are already using Botox? That is another write up for another day.  Perhaps, soon we may boast of immortal artistes. Soon? Perhaps, even now we have some of the  greatest in our midst. How so? Read on.

A couple of weeks ago, the writer attended a concert at the Queen Elizabeth Hall of the London South Bank Centre. It was a rather unique event, as it was organised and arranged by Funmi Olawunmi of the  London’s Yoruba Gospel Choir and the Queen of Waka Music – Salawa Abeni.

It is not clear if the concert was organised to rejuvenate the career of the pop Queen but  she is not a stranger to the Queen Elizabeth Hall. She had performed there in the past albeit not to a full house.  Salawa Abeni was born  in 1961. Her first album was released in 1976 meaning she has been singing for nearly forty years. She did announce that she had been in the music business for forty years, but did she look tired and weary? No! Anyone who knows the waka Queen knows that she is one to give the performance of her life any time. She knows how to have a good party.  With the Queen

and many others in her league, age is what it is, nothing but a number.

The political message behind the  event was that Muslims and Christians in Nigeria could work together in unity.  And what a way to show the unity in London of Christians and Muslims.  Obviously, fundamental adherents on both sides of the divide would cringe at the thought of a theological harmony between Christians and Muslims, but it was a music concert far removed from the positions of religion. For what it was though, the night was a pompous confirmation that in music Christians, Muslims, atheists, traditionalists and indeed all lovers of music have a unifying platform. The hall- the second largest -at the South Bank centre was half filled,  there were more Caucasians in the crowd than there were Nigerians or Africans.
The concert kicked off properly when the Queen came on stage. Even
though, the Christian choir had sang ‘churchy’ songs initially, it would have been a waste of money and time without Queen Salawa Abeni’s input. For church songs, you can go to church. You don’t fork out money for a concert only to be taken back to church. The organizers got a better response in terms of audience participation when Salewa began to do what she did best. The African talking drums, dancing and the general expertise that comes with singing and arranging some of the best songs ever in Yoruba made the event a clear winner.  It was hard not to dance.  Shame, the QEH hall is not designed for such. It is simply too formal a  venue. It was a great moment to be Yoruba in England. To be honest, you could have been Chinese in the audience that night and you still would have had a great time.
The choir had some very ‘dangerous’ dancers who understood how to make their buttocks move in symmetrically  and possibly diagonally in motions that excited the imaginations of the crowd.  It was crazy.  In a good sort of way. Wale Thompson, another guest artiste sang a song he did a couple of years ago ‘ Friday Night’.
Music continues to be a unifying force nationally. During the recent Independence Day celebrations, there were a lot of events around London organised to get Nigerians out to celebrate the mother land. Not that there is much to celebrate about Nigeria anyways, but Nigerians, being Nigerians  – fun loving and filled with life- will entertain themselves regardless. DJ Abass

organised one of such events at a restaurant in East London. The event was attended by a respectable array of Nigerians who attended. They attended, one because there was pepper soup, banga soup and pounded yam and indeed, a variety of Nigerian cuisines. And  two, because  DJ Abass is one of the best DJs in London. He is the one person who can keep you dancing literally all night long.

What do Cher and Queen Salawa Abeni have in common? Their ability to transcend time and themselves.  A wider question for us mere mortals is how do we transcend time leaving right now a legacy for those coming behind us? A question for you to ponder.

Tundun Adeyemo








Immigration and the rest of us

On Saturday, I was joined by Ms Yomi Oni- Williams to talk about Immigration in the UK. She articulately went through the new Immigration Act due to come into force in April 2014. The more she scrolled on her iPad to discuss the full provisions of it, the more I was filled with dread.  Dread? Yes, because the government are going to make it legal or okay for people to be racist ad
and discriminating to ethnic minorities.
It seems to be that Mr Cameron and his government  seek to systematically annihilate non-EU people living in the UK.  How else can you explain the nastiness of the Immigration Act. I will be writing about it in more detail in a later write up.

In some ways, there are feelings of marginalization already…. This new Legislation will make hostility the norm. Hostility against black immigrants. This affects us all. If you think ‘I have my papers I am immune’. Think again, if this affects any black immigrant, it affects us all.  Ms Oni Williams did her best to sensitize us to the ‘dark ages’ we are returning to. But, the new Immigration Act is  coming and when it lands, there may be no respite for all of us.

May God help us.

From Tyler Perry …. the absent father.

I have just come back from a day at Swindon, drinking my tea and watching X-factor  when this email came from Tyler Perry.com. I post it here because there may be a person or two out there dealing with issues such as this.

Hey Tundun,

I wrote this note privately to a friend of mine whose father has never been there for him. Even though he’s not a kid anymore and is a husband and soon to be a father himself, he’s still being affected by it. I told him I would share it with you because I know that there are millions of you in this same situation. I used to be there too. Here’s what I wrote to him.

Hey bud,
Your dad is getting older and facing his mortality. He’s going to become a different man soon. In life, we all become different people. At 20, you’re not the same person you are at 50, and if you are, something is wrong. We are built to evolve. Life is an oven that will incubate us into change. Most times it’s for the better, although there are some people that are so resistant to it that sometimes they won’t change. But if he remains the same that’s ok too.
My challenge to you my friend is to start looking at your father like a person. Not the man you see but the boy he was, how he grew up, what he went through. Realize that just like you have had, he has had his own life, pain, heartbreak, struggles, secrets, disappointments and sadness. In other words, he had a life and a story long before you were born and in that life he wasn’t given the tools to be what you needed him to be.
As a parent your job is to help your child pack a suitcase for this journey called life. Just like when you go on a trip you pack everything you need. This is the same thing. You must help that child pack love, faith, confidence, patience, joy, hope, how to give love, how to accept it, faith and God. All these things and so much more should be in that suitcase and if they aren’t, that child is going to have a tough life. Find out what’s in your father’s suitcase. It will help you understand. What’s in his suitcase is not an excuse for the way he treats you, but it is a part of your understanding of him.
I know he’s a closed door and I know you don’t know much about him, but if he won’t tell you then maybe there is a family member on his side of the family that can tell you his story. His past is important in understanding your present. Do you understand? At any rate, I don’t care who or what he is. I’m just glad he was used to bring such a great and awesome soul to this world, whether he will ever know it or not. I thank him for that. I thank him for you. I love you my friend.

Tyler

Radio today!

Hello!

At 1730pm, I will be having a chat with Dr. Ama Ede, the Publisher of the Maple Tree Literary Supplement. The chat will focus on his editorial  titled ‘Experience, Inexperience and (Un)Canadian Poetics’. 

After that, I will have the pleasure of the former Chairman of the ACN Party -Ondo State Chapter, Deputy Chairman ACN, UK Mr Tunde Doherty. 


If you can, listen here: http://africaukradio.com/


See ya!

Tundun

Lolita goes to Nollywood

Catching up with what Mollie Balogun aka Lolita has been up to lately.  Here is her promo with Nollywood Movies. It will make you smile:) She is advertising the 2013 Nollywood Movies in Lagos at the Intercontinental Hotel in Lagos this Saturday 12th of October, 2013.

For more about Mollie, on facebook, she is Mollie Balogun and on Youtube, she is Naijarish baby.

Copycat Post: Abraham Lincoln's Letter to his Son's Teacher.

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Remi has this open letter on his blog. I do same now. 
I read this letter maybe when I was 8 or 9, the words have stayed with me since. Enjoy reading.




Abraham Lincoln’s Letter to His Son’s Teacher
He will have to learn, I know,
that all men are not just,
all men are not true.
But teach him also that
for every scoundrel there is a hero;
that for every selfish Politician,
there is a dedicated leader…
Teach him for every enemy there is a
friend,
Steer him away from envy,
if you can,
teach him the secret of
quiet laughter.
Let him learn early that
the bullies are the easiest to lick… Teach him, if you can,
the wonder of books…
But also give him quiet time
to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky,
bees in the sun,
and the flowers on a green hillside.
In the school teach him
it is far more honorable to fail
than to cheat…
Teach him to have faith
in his own ideas,
even if everyone tells him
they are wrong…
Teach him to be gentle
with gentle people,
and tough with the tough.
Try to give my son
the strength not to follow the crowd
when everyone is getting on the band wagon…
Teach him to listen to all men…
but teach him also to filter
all he hears on a screen of truth,
and take only the good
that comes through.
Teach him if you can,
how to laugh when he is sad…
Teach him there is no shame in tears,
Teach him to scoff at cynics
and to beware of too much sweetness…
Teach him to sell his brawn
and brain to the highest bidders
but never to put a price-tag
on his heart and soul.
Teach him to close his ears
to a howling mob
and to stand and fight
if he thinks he’s right.
Treat him gently,
but do not cuddle him,
because only the test
of fire makes fine steel.
Let him have the courage
to be impatient…
let him have the patience to be brave.
Teach him always
to have sublime faith in himself,
because then he will have
sublime faith in mankind.
This is a big order,
but see what you can do…
He is such a fine fellow,
my son!